Exploring the Narcissist’s Playbook of Financial Games

From a Forensic Expert’s Perspective

The authors share personal stories regarding the challenges they have faced in cases that involve people with diagnosed and undiagnosed narcissists disorders. Men and women with this disorder are especially challenging and the authors share what they have learned to mitigate the damage a person with this disorder may have in a case.

My (Michele’s) path into the world of divorce finance did not begin with spreadsheets, balance sheets, or courtrooms—it began with my own personal experience. Like many others in this field, my journey was shaped by real-world challenges, which gave me the passion and drive to help others. My former spouse had secretly opened bank accounts in his name alone and left me entirely cut off from our finances. This deceit and manipulation began a four-year-long, arduous divorce process, where he used every tactic available to maintain control.

Throughout this drawn-out ordeal, his strategies included financial obfuscation, false documentation, and emotionally charged delays, all designed to keep me at a disadvantage. When we finally reached the trial phase, the extent of his deception became clear: 41 hidden bank accounts and a business in Washington state that I was unaware of. I felt blindsided and unprepared. It was a wake-up call for me, not only as an individual but also as a professional entering this field.

That experience fundamentally shifted my approach to divorce finance. I understood firsthand just how easy it is for financial manipulation to go unnoticed and how crucial it is to have forensic experts involved in divorce proceedings. More importantly, I realized how imperative it is for individuals to not only understand their financial circumstances but also regain control over their futures. This is why I became so passionate about forensic financial work and divorce financial coaching. My mission now is rooted in my desire to empower others, especially those who feel overwhelmed and financially trapped. I want to ensure that no one ever must feel alone or powerless when navigating the financial complexities of divorce.

Through my work, I aim to equip both clients and professionals with the knowledge needed to understand and address financial challenges in divorce. Financial analysis is not just about numbers; it is about reclaiming power, restoring balance, and enabling clients to move forward with confidence. The more you understand the numbers and the financial landscape of divorce, the better equipped you are to help clients take control of their future. In my experience, when clients grasp the financial picture, they can make informed decisions that lead to a more secure and brighter post-divorce life.

For my part (Greg), I experienced the damage of narcissism through my own former marriage and self-initiated divorce but have encountered it more frequently and in varying ways through my service as a forensic accounting/business valuation expert witness. Narcissistic behaviors are often present in divorce litigation when it becomes almost impossible to obtain all the documentary evidence needed to perform professional services.

When working in matters where narcissists are involved, be aware that narcissistic behaviors are typically only evident within the relationship with someone close to them. The co-relationship person simply does not exist in any meaningful way. However, all the people who know the narcissist and are not in a close relationship with the narcissist think he/she is a wonderful person, and they do not understand why the person in the relationship is having such a hard time.

Understanding Narcissism in Divorce Cases

One of the most challenging dynamics in divorce cases can be dealing with a narcissistic spouse. The traits associated with narcissism complicate the legal process and can create an emotional and financial minefield. But what exactly is narcissism, and how does it affect the legal landscape in divorce?

The definition from a psychological perspective is “A persona who has a condition in which they are only interest in themselves and what they want, and have a strong need to be admired and a lack of understanding of other people’s feelings.”[1] This is narcissism at its core. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) manifests through behaviors like arrogance, manipulation, entitlement, and a warped sense of reality. In the context of divorce, narcissists frequently distort facts, evade accountability, and use manipulation as a means of control.

When divorce professionals encounter a narcissistic spouse (sometimes assisted by intimidating or otherwise difficult opposing legal counsel), it is important to understand the unique tactics that such individuals often employ. Their goal is not necessarily to reach a fair settlement but rather to maintain control over the situation and, in many cases, to “win” at any cost—regardless of the emotional or financial toll on others. The goal is to “control the story” and more importantly, the story’s outcome. The following is a breakdown of some, but not all, tactics narcissists commonly use in divorce proceedings:

• Gaslighting: Narcissists have a well-documented tendency to distort reality. Gaslighting, the practice of making the other party doubt their own perceptions, memories, and judgment, is a primary tool for undermining confidence and sowing
• Blame-shifting: Narcissists are rarely willing to take responsibility for their actions. Instead, they are highly adept at shifting blame onto their spouse, making them feel as if the entire situation is their fault.
• Projection: This is when the narcissist accuses their spouse of behaviors they themselves are guilty of. It is a classic psychological tactic that serves to deflect attention from their own shortcomings.
• Financial manipulation: Narcissists often engage in financial abuse by hiding assets, refusing to meet financial obligations, or using complex strategies to drain their spouse’s They may also manipulate joint accounts, force delays in disclosure, or obfuscate financial records to maintain an advantage.
• Smear campaigns: A narcissist may attempt to discredit their spouse by spreading false rumors or attacking their character to make them appear untrustworthy, irrational, or unfit.
• Playing the victim: Narcissists often distort facts to portray themselves as victims of unjust and unfair situations. This can be particularly damaging in custody battles or in negotiations where sympathy or perceptions of innocence can sway decision-makers.

Narcissism and the Legal Process: Unique Challenges

In a divorce case involving a narcissist, the standard legal procedures may become far more complicated. Narcissists’ manipulative behaviors can make divorce proceedings difficult, and the consequences can be profound. From the outset, narcissists may intentionally drag out the process, filing excessive motions or refusing to comply with court orders in order to create frustration and delay. Their goal is often to exhaust their spouse both emotionally and financially. This can significantly increase litigation costs and prolong the emotional strain on the other party.

Their behaviors often present unique challenges to attorneys, judges, and financial professionals. Narcissists are skilled at presenting themselves as competent and charming, discrediting their spouse’s claims while playing the role of the victim. For professionals involved in these cases, it is crucial to recognize the narcissist’s “game” and to prepare for an extended process marked by delays, false narratives, and emotional manipulation.

Personality Traits That Impact Divorce Outcomes

In addition to their manipulative behavior, narcissists exhibit several other traits that significantly impact divorce proceedings. These include:

• Grandiosity: Narcissists possess an inflated sense of self-importance. They may view themselves as deserving of special treatment, and their inflated ego can often lead to an unwillingness to compromise or adhere to fair and reasonable standards.
• Lack of empathy: Narcissists are generally uninterested in the well-being of others, particularly their spouse. This lack of empathy means they are often indifferent to the emotional and financial toll they inflict on their partner.
• Manipulativeness: Narcissists are highly skilled manipulators, often using charm, deceit, or guilt to control In a divorce case, this can manifest as efforts to influence the legal process or shift the narrative in their favor.
• Vindictiveness: Narcissists are often driven by a desire to “win” at all costs, and this vindictiveness can lead them to adopt aggressive or destructive tactics. Rather than seeking a fair resolution, their focus is often on asserting control and dominating the process.

These traits make negotiations particularly difficult and often lead to an inability to reach a fair or timely settlement. Narcissists are unlikely to compromise, even when it is in their best interest, because doing so would undermine their need for control and superiority.

Three Common Types of Narcissists in Divorce

Understanding the most common types of narcissists that may be encountered in divorce cases can help professionals better navigate the process. These types include:

• Overt narcissists: These individuals are open about their arrogance and sense of entitlement. They have a loud, boastful presence and will aggressively push their agenda in divorce proceedings, showing little regard for fairness or the needs of
• Covert narcissists: Unlike overt narcissists, covert narcissists often wield influence in more subtle and indirect ways, employ passive tactics and power plays to exert control. They may play the victim, using guilt and manipulation to sway others to their side. This type of narcissist often has an ability to charm professionals and make them think that they are fragile or misunderstood.
• Malignant narcissists: The most dangerous type, malignant narcissists combine narcissistic traits with antisocial behaviors. They can be extremely manipulative, engaging in deceitful tactics, financial abuse, and even criminal behavior to “win” at all costs. Unlike typical narcissists who want to be admired and seek validation, they go a step further and deliberately harm their spouse for their own personal satisfaction and gain. They are not just selfish and arrogant like overt narcissists, they are ruthless, calculated, and cruel. This type of narcissist knows how to play the long game. Outsiders will see them as admirable, normal individuals all the while they are creating psychological havoc behind closed doors. They will leave a trail of destruction and often will not be held accountable for their actions.

Understanding which type of narcissist you are dealing with will help you tailor your approach and prepare for the tactics they may use to manipulate the process.

Narcissists employ a variety of tactics during divorce proceedings to maintain control. These include:

• Refusal to provide full financial disclosure: Narcissists often hide assets or underreport income to manipulate the financial They may also hide wealth through secret accounts, cash-based transactions, or offshore holdings.
• Shifting narratives: A narcissist will often change their story to suit their needs. They may contradict previous statements, make false claims, or create confusion to delay the process and keep the other party off-balance.
• False allegations: To discredit their spouse, narcissists may fabricate accusations of abuse, neglect, or other negative behaviors. These false allegations can complicate custody agreements or negotiations.
• Weaponizing children: Narcissists may use children as pawns in custody battles, attempting to turn them against the other parent to gain leverage. They may also refuse to comply with parenting orders or attempt to alienate the other parent from their
• Frivolous lawsuits and senseless motions and hearings: Narcissists portray to the Court an image of innocence, being right, and being the These tactics in court cause emotional drain, exhaustion, and drain the opposing spouse of needed financial resources.

Financial Manipulation and Deception

Financial manipulation is one of the hallmark tactics used by narcissists in divorce cases. They may engage in underreporting income, inflating expenses, or transferring assets to third parties to hide wealth. These tactics can make it difficult for the other party and their financial experts to accurately assess assets, income, and liabilities.

Signs of financial manipulation include:

• Unexplained discrepancies in financial records
• Transfers of assets to third parties
• Cash transactions or offshore accounts
• Excessive delays in providing financial documents with the intent to frustrate and deplete funds

For divorce professionals, recognizing these red flags is key to uncovering hidden assets and ensuring a fair financial settlement. As financial professionals working with narcissistic individuals, we often encounter subtle but telling red flags that suggest deception and hidden assets. These individuals tend to be methodical in how they manage and conceal money, often maintaining strict control over financial accounts and decision-making. They may appear excessively charming or, conversely, unusually combative; both tactics used to manipulate perception and control the narrative. Narcissists frequently engage in mental games, resist full financial disclosure, and exhibit an exaggerated fixation on “winning” at all costs. Their behaviors may include attempts to punish the other party or undermine and dismiss the financial expert’s role and findings. Recognizing these patterns is key to identifying financial manipulation and safeguarding equitable outcomes.

As the Expert

When working on cases involving narcissistic personalities, it is critical for financial experts to recognize the subtle tactics they may employ. As objective professionals, we must avoid being drawn into emotional manipulation tactics and instead remain grounded in facts, process, and documentation. Maintaining clear protocols, consistent timelines, and a methodical approach is essential. Our role is to uncover the truth through meticulous analysis, support the discovery process with precision, and contribute by drafting subpoena language that ensures access to the right information.

Circumstances We Have Encountered from Narcissistic Behaviors in Litigated Matters

• New businesses domiciled in Delaware after the date of separation or date of filing or whatever the valuation date is for the divorce, where you cannot determine who owns the business and claiming such as separate property.
• Business owner bifurcating LLC ownership interests and selling the equity interest to newly formed entities, and claiming no ownership all the while maintaining control over the ownership interests.
• Setting up trusts in asset protection states, like Alaska, but there are several others, to hide assets and exclude them from the marital estate all-the-while being the trust’s effective beneficiary.

Conclusion: Protecting Yourself and Your Clients from Narcissistic Manipulation

Navigating a divorce case with a narcissistic spouse requires expertise, strategic planning, and patience. Recognizing the behaviors and tactics of narcissists allows you to take proactive steps to protect your clients and ensure they are not manipulated or taken advantage of during the divorce process. Strong documentation, effective legal representation, and emotional support are all essential tools for combating the effects of narcissistic manipulation.

By understanding the narcissist’s “playbook” and anticipating their next move, you can assist your clients, and their attorney, achieve a fairer resolution and reclaim control over their financial future. Divorce is already a challenging process, but with the right knowledge, preparation, and support, you can help clients navigate even the most difficult cases and emerge stronger on the other side.

Recommended Reading

1. BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Hostile Emails, Personal Attacks, and Social Media Meltdowns—Bill Eddy
2. Working with the Self-Absorbed: How to Handle Narcissistic Personalities on the Job—Nina W. Brown
3. The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family—Elanor Payson

[1] www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/us/definition/english/narcissist

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Michele M. Laws, CDFA, CVA, MAFF, is President of Turning Point Financial Group and Divorce Dollars & Sense Corporation. For over 20 years, she has been the trusted guide for individuals navigating life’s biggest financial crossroads; whether it is a fresh start after divorce or finding stability as a widow. With a BA in Business and a specialization in finance, Ms. Laws combines expertise with empathy to help her clients make sense of financial change. Her impressive credentials include Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA), Certified Valuation Analyst (CVA), and Master Analyst in Financial Forensics (MAFF), showcasing her ability to tackle even the most complex financial situations. As an Investment Advisor Representative with Port Side Wealth Group LLC, an SEC-Registered Investment Advisor, she brings clarity and confidence to every step of her clients’ journeys. All named entities are unaffiliated.

Ms. Laws may be contacted at (618) 416-6229 or by e-mail to mlaws@divdollars.com.

Greg Reagan, CPA, CFF, ABV, CFE, CVA, is the Managing Director of Reagan FVL, LLC, a Charlotte, North Carolina based forensic accounting firm providing business valuation and forensic accounting services throughout the Southeast and Midwest, and is retained by law firms across the country as an expert witness in divorce and various commercial litigation matters. He is known as a creative and innovative solutions provider, combining analytical skill with the innovation and creativity necessary to solve difficult problems. Mr. Reagan has developed a reputation as an unbiased, objective expert who avoids advocacy, maintains strict adherence to ethical practices, and delivers well written reports that are understandable, accurate, and relevant. He provides dependable and reliable advice and opinions to legal counsels and courts of law.

Mr. Reagan may be contacted at (205) 994-1502 or by e-mail to greg@reaganfvl.com.